It has been several months since I started using this app and a couple months of not using it at all. Honestly, it didn't give me that huge of an effect as I hoped but it did help some. And I noticed a longer term effect. I have noticed that I seem to recall some things better without trying, from childhood memories to random facts. It's an interesting and unexpected side effect that is prompting me to start using the app again... Anyway just felt the need for that little update...
Thursday, July 28, 2016
Saturday, April 2, 2016
Days 24-27
Decided I'm going to make less posts from here on in unless something of significance happens. So far, the app is still doing all I've written about before but I still have off days. Still using it though because the benefits have proven themselves worth it to me.
Monday, March 28, 2016
Days 21, 22, 23
Sorry about the delay in posts...
Still using the app & I do feel like something is happening. I've been feeling much more confident about my abilities lately and still feeling rather upbeat.
Still living a boring life working at Subway and vegging out on tv & twitter too much but at least I don't feel so bad about my life anymore.
I'm starting to notice all the good in my life more and feeling happy just because.
And I'm finding out I can do things, like change the water filter in our house, that I didn't think I could do.
I also seem to be remembering things better, especially things I've learned since using the app for some reason.
Not feeling "Limitless" or anything but I do feel more able to think clearly, more upbeat & even (dare I say) happy even though essentially nothing has really changed in my life.
Going to keep this short tonight.
Maybe tomorrow I'll get back to my normal format.
PS - Had another lucid dream during a nap tonight. Felt so real. Walking around a huge high-rise luxury hotel / condo building that had a floor mostly for employees to live on and another section that was basically a mall. I was going to start living & working there soon and was trying to find my way around. Encountered several interesting people in the dream. Remember it all so clearly still, hours later, more like a memory than a dream.
Still using the app & I do feel like something is happening. I've been feeling much more confident about my abilities lately and still feeling rather upbeat.
Still living a boring life working at Subway and vegging out on tv & twitter too much but at least I don't feel so bad about my life anymore.
I'm starting to notice all the good in my life more and feeling happy just because.
And I'm finding out I can do things, like change the water filter in our house, that I didn't think I could do.
I also seem to be remembering things better, especially things I've learned since using the app for some reason.
Not feeling "Limitless" or anything but I do feel more able to think clearly, more upbeat & even (dare I say) happy even though essentially nothing has really changed in my life.
Going to keep this short tonight.
Maybe tomorrow I'll get back to my normal format.
PS - Had another lucid dream during a nap tonight. Felt so real. Walking around a huge high-rise luxury hotel / condo building that had a floor mostly for employees to live on and another section that was basically a mall. I was going to start living & working there soon and was trying to find my way around. Encountered several interesting people in the dream. Remember it all so clearly still, hours later, more like a memory than a dream.
Friday, March 25, 2016
Day 19 & 20
Well, day 19 was kind of an okay, average day, and nothing really particular happened so I didn't even think of putting up a post. Just home, work, home, tv & twitter.
So far day 20 hasn't been much to crow about either. Home, work, home, etc.
But while studying a long-time interest of mine, ancient cultures, and in this case ancient Sumeria, I noticed it was a lot easier to remember things I'd learned before about this subject that a friend had told me than it usually is for me.
Honestly, I've usually got a terrible memory and can't remember much more than basic things. And it seems like it has been getting worse over the years.
So, maybe the app is starting to work a bit more for me. So I'll keep using it and reporting here, for now.
I have grown rather fond of listening to this binaural audio app now and have grown used to listening to the 15 minute session one to two times a day, as well as the 30 minutes session on waking and sleeping.
So far day 20 hasn't been much to crow about either. Home, work, home, etc.
But while studying a long-time interest of mine, ancient cultures, and in this case ancient Sumeria, I noticed it was a lot easier to remember things I'd learned before about this subject that a friend had told me than it usually is for me.
Honestly, I've usually got a terrible memory and can't remember much more than basic things. And it seems like it has been getting worse over the years.
So, maybe the app is starting to work a bit more for me. So I'll keep using it and reporting here, for now.
I have grown rather fond of listening to this binaural audio app now and have grown used to listening to the 15 minute session one to two times a day, as well as the 30 minutes session on waking and sleeping.
Wednesday, March 23, 2016
Day 18
Well, it was an average day for me lately. Waking up while playing the NZT app, going downstairs & taking care of cats & myself. Getting my daughter up & awake, if she isn't awake already, which she often has been lately. And then going on my computer, to check up & participate on twitter.
Last night, I also did something a bit unexpected for me... I applied for a social media job at FOX Network. I figure, since I already trumpet their tv shows so much, I might as well get paid well for it. I don't know if they will feel I'm a good fit or not but I felt the need to go after something I desire and decided there was no way of knowing if I did not at least make the attempt... So, I applied. And time will tell whether they think I am right for them or not. *fingers crossed*
Anyway, I was a bit late getting to work, after not anticipating how long it would take to unbury my deck & car from the 4-5 inches of heavy snow we got during the night. But at least work was relatively slow, thanks to said snow. So, I got through it okay, although it gets rather boring at a job with nothing much to do for hours...
I really need to find more creative work... Maybe writing... I have been enjoying blogging again. It's been a very long time since I wrote anything on a consistent basis or at all... I had forgotten how much fun writing can be.
So, I spent the afternoon hanging out with my daughter, who has been also wanting to go to bed early thanks to waking up so early too. She went to bed right before 10pm, having already fell asleep for a short nap before dinner.
I've been just having fun watching episodes of The Grinder on Hulu while also reading bits of an ebook and thought to have an app session while reading the book, now that it is after 11pm and I'm starting to get sleepy too.
And I have to say, this session was one of the best experiences I've had while using the app. I felt it through my entire body unlike I had until now. It was like my body was in a vibrational bath that made me feel so good & I just didn't want to leave. And the vibration lasts for awhile after the app session ends. Maybe something is starting to kick in, I don't know, but that really felt good & I can't wait to try another session in the morning.
For now, going to watch a bit more of my show then go to bed...
PS - I took a typing test online, just for fun & got 68-70wpm! Still got it!
Last night, I also did something a bit unexpected for me... I applied for a social media job at FOX Network. I figure, since I already trumpet their tv shows so much, I might as well get paid well for it. I don't know if they will feel I'm a good fit or not but I felt the need to go after something I desire and decided there was no way of knowing if I did not at least make the attempt... So, I applied. And time will tell whether they think I am right for them or not. *fingers crossed*
Anyway, I was a bit late getting to work, after not anticipating how long it would take to unbury my deck & car from the 4-5 inches of heavy snow we got during the night. But at least work was relatively slow, thanks to said snow. So, I got through it okay, although it gets rather boring at a job with nothing much to do for hours...
I really need to find more creative work... Maybe writing... I have been enjoying blogging again. It's been a very long time since I wrote anything on a consistent basis or at all... I had forgotten how much fun writing can be.
So, I spent the afternoon hanging out with my daughter, who has been also wanting to go to bed early thanks to waking up so early too. She went to bed right before 10pm, having already fell asleep for a short nap before dinner.
I've been just having fun watching episodes of The Grinder on Hulu while also reading bits of an ebook and thought to have an app session while reading the book, now that it is after 11pm and I'm starting to get sleepy too.
And I have to say, this session was one of the best experiences I've had while using the app. I felt it through my entire body unlike I had until now. It was like my body was in a vibrational bath that made me feel so good & I just didn't want to leave. And the vibration lasts for awhile after the app session ends. Maybe something is starting to kick in, I don't know, but that really felt good & I can't wait to try another session in the morning.
For now, going to watch a bit more of my show then go to bed...
PS - I took a typing test online, just for fun & got 68-70wpm! Still got it!
Tuesday, March 22, 2016
Day 17
Well, I don't know if it's the fun night I had watching Lucifer & tweeting about it with the crew & cast or if it is the NZT app but I want to believe the latter has something to do with it...
Either way, I've been in an incredible mood today! Hoping it last...
I've felt more confidence today than I'm used to, more surety than is typical for me.
And today, while driving back to work for my second shift, I came to feel what can only be described as something unlocking within me, in my brain or mind or soul...
I don't know what it was exactly and I don't really want to speculate but it felt amazing...
And I don't know if this will last, grow or go away (Lucifer Forbid!) but it is very interesting tonight...
And has me thinking of new possibilities...
Also realized I REALLY enjoy troubleshooting computer tech problems for others. When actor Tom Ellis tweeted about a Mac air problem, my mind went straight into "Can I fix it? Yes I can!" mode.
PS - A new Limitless is on tonight and Bradley Cooper is going to be on!
Sunday, March 20, 2016
Day 16
Still a bit in a funk today. Well, can't expect 30 years of depression to disappear after only two weeks using a neural audio app like this NZT app to wipe all that away. Brains may have plasticity but that doesn't mean neural pathways change instantly. As a matter of fact, I read the other day that when we create new habits our brains actually resist, as new pathways are formed because the old pathways often shrink and fall away and the brain resists this change. That's why change and new habits are so hard to create. There is actual science behind it!
Anyway, going to keep using the app because it has helped my mood & sleeping a bit more than anything else I've tried & I'd like to see what a few more weeks will do. Not expecting anything profound at this point but just glad one out of the hundreds of audios, videos & books I've absorbed and tried over the years has actually done something good for me.
Yesterday ended better than it seems in the post. I stayed up several hours after. Started watching Charmed with my daughter and she loves it. Looks like we have a new series to binge watch together which (witch?) makes me glad. Bonding with a 13-year-old can be a real challenge sometimes.
Also, going to start adding other enhancement audios & videos to my regimen of brain health and see how they work in concert with the app. We will see how it goes.
And also going to start reading a complicated text to see how well I absorb, recall and understand it. Will let you know...
I'll add more as the day goes by, if I feel the need...
PS - It's well into the end of the night now and I do feel to add something. I realized this weekend that perhaps it is time to make use of the Minister title I've had for nearly 18 years now, and use it to do good in this world for alternative and odd people like me. So, I have decided to offer my services to those who want a ceremony that is other than normal, since most traditionally religious Ministers would shy away from such services. I'm hoping I can fill a niche for those odd people in the world that are looking for something a little bit different.
Anyway, going to keep using the app because it has helped my mood & sleeping a bit more than anything else I've tried & I'd like to see what a few more weeks will do. Not expecting anything profound at this point but just glad one out of the hundreds of audios, videos & books I've absorbed and tried over the years has actually done something good for me.
Yesterday ended better than it seems in the post. I stayed up several hours after. Started watching Charmed with my daughter and she loves it. Looks like we have a new series to binge watch together which (witch?) makes me glad. Bonding with a 13-year-old can be a real challenge sometimes.
Also, going to start adding other enhancement audios & videos to my regimen of brain health and see how they work in concert with the app. We will see how it goes.
And also going to start reading a complicated text to see how well I absorb, recall and understand it. Will let you know...
I'll add more as the day goes by, if I feel the need...
PS - It's well into the end of the night now and I do feel to add something. I realized this weekend that perhaps it is time to make use of the Minister title I've had for nearly 18 years now, and use it to do good in this world for alternative and odd people like me. So, I have decided to offer my services to those who want a ceremony that is other than normal, since most traditionally religious Ministers would shy away from such services. I'm hoping I can fill a niche for those odd people in the world that are looking for something a little bit different.
Saturday, March 19, 2016
Day 15
Me for eternity... Ever alone... Flying in space... Dreaming of others but never having... Never satisfied with anything too normal or mundane... Astartiel Alone.
Painting by Paul Klages
Still using the app and it's the weekend so I'm supposed to be happy for free time. Instead, I can only seem to focus on all the things my life lacks - fulfilling work, a good income, a man I love to love me back. And I'm feeling very poor and alone and pathetic today.
And I know there are people living the life I covet and I'm happy for them. I just don't understand why life has consistently dealt me such a raw deal over and over and over again.
And I've tried to change, so many times I have tried, but nothing ever lasts. Ultimately changes are short lived and I go back to the mundane squalor my life has mostly been.
I'm so tired of living this way, with lack, with barely being able to pay for necessities like food & electricity, bills always late, always working jobs I can barely handle and barely like that barely pay enough to keep working at.
And with always being alone, never having anyone I love being in love with me, always falling in love and lust for men I can not have who will never look at me seriously and with equal desire.
But I don't know how to rise above where I am at. I've been so low down for so long I can't really believe in anything better. Yes, I can fantasize and I do, probably too much, but I can't see any real way to create what I desire, not without being other than the person I am, not without sacrificing a bit of my soul to scam or do otherwise morally ambiguous actions to get what I want.
And I'm sure for many people, that would not be a problem. Scam others to sell some product, as long as you get a pay day, who cares? Break hearts and hurt people to get with who you want, as long as you're happy, who cares?
Well, I have never been able to bring myself to live that way. And I've never found an honest way to get those things & people I have wanted in my life to truly become part of my life by their own accord and without any manipulation on my part.
Some would even say my publically writing about such dreams and desires is a form of manipulation, emotional blackmail even. I just feel the need to share how I am feeling today on this blog.
Most days I've been feeling rather cheerful since using this app but today it's like all that sadness, loneliness and helplessness I haven't felt in awhile all came flooding to the surface today of all days.
And all I can think about is if only... if only I had work that I loved doing that paid me a decent wage, if only it was work I could do at home or anywhere on a laptop or even smartphone, if only I had the man I love in love with me, if only hearts didn't have to break to make that a reality, if only my own heart could have some of the things I desire most...
PS - Listened to 15 minute session twice this evening to help me out of this funk. It has helped me see things a bit more clearly.
Also, want to announce my being a legal minister (18 years on April 1st) willing to officiate any odd or alternative event anyone can dream or desire...
https://www.facebook.com/Church-of-the-Green-God-Goddess-579888522070251/?fref=nf
PPS - After you read this, go read the rest of the blog:
http://nztappuser.blogspot.com/
Friday, March 18, 2016
Day 14
Can hardly believe it has been two weeks. It hardly seems like that long. While, I haven't felt or experienced any profound changes, the improvement of mood has been well noted and I can see myself continueing using this app just for that.
I have also had an easier time both on less sleep & on waking up That along with being in a good mood (except when I'm PMSing) has definitely made this experiment worth it.
If there are going to be any other changes, I'll let you all know here... I do plan to keep writing at least for two more weeks.
Nothing much to report tonight. Work & then home. Relaxing with my daughter, watching episodes of a favorite show.
Glad I have the weekend off...
Well, I took a 3 hour nap. That was needed, I guess.
Now, watching a little tv after posting a few SingSnap karaoke vids.
I have also had an easier time both on less sleep & on waking up That along with being in a good mood (except when I'm PMSing) has definitely made this experiment worth it.
If there are going to be any other changes, I'll let you all know here... I do plan to keep writing at least for two more weeks.
Nothing much to report tonight. Work & then home. Relaxing with my daughter, watching episodes of a favorite show.
Glad I have the weekend off...
Well, I took a 3 hour nap. That was needed, I guess.
Now, watching a little tv after posting a few SingSnap karaoke vids.
Day 13
Can hardly believe it has been almost two weeks of daily use of this app. Honestly, I didn't expect to make it this far.
As to the app itself, well so far, it has some merits. It definitely has for the most part (menstruation aside) helped with my general overall mood & with sleeping better, even on less sleep. Even if those things are all I get out of this, they've been worth it.
Part of me didn't expect anything to happen at all. I'm rather good at doubting and my expectations in life are usually rather low (comes with lifelong depression), so again, even if this is all someone like me can get out of it, well, it's better than what I had before.
Of course, a little part of me wanted something like the name of the app suggests to happen. You all know what I'm talking about. Yeah, I wanted to experience greater brain power, clearer, more focused thinking, easier processing of information, easier recall & all that. Who wouldn't, right?
But, so far, can't really say much like that has happened. Lately, my repetitive life of sandwich art has me in a bit of a fog. I want more for myself but I have no clue how to achieve it. That's been the story of my life though... Always wanting what I don't have and with no clear idea, map or path to achieving it and so I go nowhere...
And even with this app, I am still on repeat. Perhaps some people have experienced profound transformations, with great mental and personal growth, but so far I can not say this has happened to me...
But, for now, I will keep using it, twice a day, on waking and before sleeping, because what I have with this app is still better than what I had without it. And maybe some of those other effects will "kick in" as I've been assured they will over time.
As to the app itself, well so far, it has some merits. It definitely has for the most part (menstruation aside) helped with my general overall mood & with sleeping better, even on less sleep. Even if those things are all I get out of this, they've been worth it.
Part of me didn't expect anything to happen at all. I'm rather good at doubting and my expectations in life are usually rather low (comes with lifelong depression), so again, even if this is all someone like me can get out of it, well, it's better than what I had before.
Of course, a little part of me wanted something like the name of the app suggests to happen. You all know what I'm talking about. Yeah, I wanted to experience greater brain power, clearer, more focused thinking, easier processing of information, easier recall & all that. Who wouldn't, right?
But, so far, can't really say much like that has happened. Lately, my repetitive life of sandwich art has me in a bit of a fog. I want more for myself but I have no clue how to achieve it. That's been the story of my life though... Always wanting what I don't have and with no clear idea, map or path to achieving it and so I go nowhere...
And even with this app, I am still on repeat. Perhaps some people have experienced profound transformations, with great mental and personal growth, but so far I can not say this has happened to me...
But, for now, I will keep using it, twice a day, on waking and before sleeping, because what I have with this app is still better than what I had without it. And maybe some of those other effects will "kick in" as I've been assured they will over time.
Wednesday, March 16, 2016
Day 12
Woke up rather well, considering I'd only had about 4 hours sleep. Think the hormonal PMS cocktail is finally wearing off. Stayed up late, vegging on tv shows I enjoy. Our Late Night Free Zone with Exede didn't start till 1:30am last night instead of Midnight (or often earlier) but I was adamant I was going to stay up & watch. So, I did.
One of the shows was The Grinder, with Rob Lowe, who happened to quote & reply to a tweet on Twitter yesterday telling me I should watch the new episode. So, yeah, when Rob Lowe tells you personally to watch something, you do.
But I did get to bed rather late and fell asleep around 4am. It was a little after 8am that I woke up & even though I felt like I had just listened to the app, I started to get up & listen to the app again. I was pretty much awake & didn't see any point in trying to sleep more.
My daughter was already awake (she decided to try an all-nighter & did pretty well, made it to about 8pm this second day), so I couldn't use that as excuse to sleep more.
At around 11am, I was at work again, making sandwiches. Yeah, unfortunately, this work is starting to get old. Glad for the last 10 months of this work. It got me back into the idea of working regularly and it got me back on my feet. I'm starting to buy a car, for the first time, because of this job, but I know I want more than a job like this could ever offer me...
I need to feel like my creativity and my soul are being fulfilled through my work, somehow and no job like this will ever be able to deliver such rewards. Unfortunately, I don't know what work can. Fantasies of being in tv & movies aside (childhood acting fantasies, later I decided directing was cooler), I am interested in so many things but nothing feels truly right for me to do. And I don't know what to do about this.
Anyway, I did manage to get done with work, having listening to the 15 minute session once while there, to defuse the stress I was feeling. And it did help.
Now, I'm back home, nearly Midnight again. Watching episodes of Rush with Tom Ellis (to help pass the time till there is a new Lucifer episode) and wondering what I should be doing with my life, besides this repetitive self-made hell I've created for myself. (Seriously, if I died & found myself having to do this job for eternity, that would be a fitting hell.)
So, knowing I've outgrown this job & the crutch that it served as for me, appreciating my boss for putting up with my lack of punctuality problem and for being so good to me, I am seeking to find a form of employment or a way to make money that works for me at this time in my life.
And I'll probably fall asleep thinking of this problem too.... As I start this cycle over again, another day, another dollar, rinse & repeat...
Tuesday, March 15, 2016
Day 11
Not much different than yesterday. Was in a rather foul mood most of today but PMSing, so that might be why...
Anyway, went to bed last night around 1am & woke up around 8:30am, briefly waking at 6am when my daughter woke me to say she was awake. Got up & put on my NZT app while waking up for the day. Didn't feel like laying in bed while listening, so did morning chores & had breakfast while listening instead.
Watched last night's episode of Lucifer again this morning, while tweeting about it and then went on into work. Today, was not in a very good mood at work at all. Seemed like everything rubbed me the wrong way but I'm used to the job so I was able to disguise my feelings and get the job done, making sandwiches, stocking the store, cleaning and doing dishes.
But after today, I know my days here are numbered. I will try to get through the Summer here but I need to find something else more suited to me. And preferably something unrelated to food preparation and cleaning solvents. I am not sure but I think something is giving me an allergic reaction at work.
I noticed that my arms and chest were breaking out a bit in red allergic bumps. This is new so I never noticed it before. But alot of different cleaning solutions are used at Subway and after so many months working here, it is possible something isn't agreeing with me on a physical level. Perhaps, unconsciously this is why work is putting me in a bad mood lately too.
Anyway, don't have any other ideas for a job but I know I'd prefer finding something I could do from any laptop, whatever the work is. I'd like it to be something a bit creative, rather than routine, and perhaps a bit artistic as well. If only I could find my right niche to be in that was something others valued in me that they found themselves wanting that I could give. And if only this could be something sustainable and cumulative rather than this system of trading hours of my life for paltry pay that barely gets me by (and mostly doesn't).
Well, I'm home for the night... Going to veg out & relax the rest of the night, so posting this now. If I have anything else to add, I'll post it later... mabe even tomorrow...
Anyway, went to bed last night around 1am & woke up around 8:30am, briefly waking at 6am when my daughter woke me to say she was awake. Got up & put on my NZT app while waking up for the day. Didn't feel like laying in bed while listening, so did morning chores & had breakfast while listening instead.
Watched last night's episode of Lucifer again this morning, while tweeting about it and then went on into work. Today, was not in a very good mood at work at all. Seemed like everything rubbed me the wrong way but I'm used to the job so I was able to disguise my feelings and get the job done, making sandwiches, stocking the store, cleaning and doing dishes.
But after today, I know my days here are numbered. I will try to get through the Summer here but I need to find something else more suited to me. And preferably something unrelated to food preparation and cleaning solvents. I am not sure but I think something is giving me an allergic reaction at work.
I noticed that my arms and chest were breaking out a bit in red allergic bumps. This is new so I never noticed it before. But alot of different cleaning solutions are used at Subway and after so many months working here, it is possible something isn't agreeing with me on a physical level. Perhaps, unconsciously this is why work is putting me in a bad mood lately too.
Anyway, don't have any other ideas for a job but I know I'd prefer finding something I could do from any laptop, whatever the work is. I'd like it to be something a bit creative, rather than routine, and perhaps a bit artistic as well. If only I could find my right niche to be in that was something others valued in me that they found themselves wanting that I could give. And if only this could be something sustainable and cumulative rather than this system of trading hours of my life for paltry pay that barely gets me by (and mostly doesn't).
Well, I'm home for the night... Going to veg out & relax the rest of the night, so posting this now. If I have anything else to add, I'll post it later... mabe even tomorrow...
Day 10
Today, I didn't get much sleep, having stayed up too late the night before. I didn't have much time to get ready for work, so I listened to the app while getting ready.
Had a rather uneventful day at work, went to the store and then came home. I received a few birthday cards in the mail, which was nice.
Tonight Lucifer is on and I've so been looking forward to watching it. And it was a fun episode about jealousy and relationships with a few saucy reveals at the end. Next episode looks like a hilarious episode, with Lucifer helping out a priest and spending time in a church...
And today's been another crampy & moody day on my period. Listened to the 15 minute session tonight to help me feel better. And it did seem to improve my mood a bit. Oddly, sometimes when I listen to this short session, afterward I sometimes hear an "after effect" warbling sound that goes away after a little while. It is an odd experience although it might just be my eardrums still vibrating from the tone...
Wondering if this app can be counter-effected by PMS, does it also hold that it might work differently on men than it does on women? Or on depressed people differently than emotionally-balanced people? Perhaps certain effects take longer on certain types of people?
Going to keep using it & find out, I guess. Nothing better to do anyway...
Nothing much else to say right now...
PS - Been posting these the day after, and sometimes I don't remember till later in the day.
Had a rather uneventful day at work, went to the store and then came home. I received a few birthday cards in the mail, which was nice.
Tonight Lucifer is on and I've so been looking forward to watching it. And it was a fun episode about jealousy and relationships with a few saucy reveals at the end. Next episode looks like a hilarious episode, with Lucifer helping out a priest and spending time in a church...
And today's been another crampy & moody day on my period. Listened to the 15 minute session tonight to help me feel better. And it did seem to improve my mood a bit. Oddly, sometimes when I listen to this short session, afterward I sometimes hear an "after effect" warbling sound that goes away after a little while. It is an odd experience although it might just be my eardrums still vibrating from the tone...
Wondering if this app can be counter-effected by PMS, does it also hold that it might work differently on men than it does on women? Or on depressed people differently than emotionally-balanced people? Perhaps certain effects take longer on certain types of people?
Going to keep using it & find out, I guess. Nothing better to do anyway...
Nothing much else to say right now...
PS - Been posting these the day after, and sometimes I don't remember till later in the day.
Monday, March 14, 2016
Day 9 - My Birthday! I turned 42!
Yesterday, I let myself sleep in, after staying up rather late. I woke up in a good mood, enjoying my social media birthday wishes. I listened to the app as I was getting up.
Later in the day, I was feeling rather down because my birthday wasn't all that eventful, because my daughter & I got off on the wrong foot & because my body decided to give me the present of my period today. So, hormones & cramps kept me in a less-than-happy mood most of the day.
Eventually, my daughter & I went to a local diner & had complimentary birthday burgers and fries (sweet potato for me). We then came home and shared triple-chocolate cupcakes & chocolate gelato, for my birthday.
So, now I'm 42 years old, or 21 twice, or The Answer To Life, The Universe and Everything (Thanks Douglas Adams!), at least for the next year!
I stayed up and watched some of my favorite tv shows before I went to bed rather late in the night/early morning.
PS - I don't think even this app can defeat PMS! Cramps & moodiness prevailed today & on into the next day...
Later in the day, I was feeling rather down because my birthday wasn't all that eventful, because my daughter & I got off on the wrong foot & because my body decided to give me the present of my period today. So, hormones & cramps kept me in a less-than-happy mood most of the day.
Eventually, my daughter & I went to a local diner & had complimentary birthday burgers and fries (sweet potato for me). We then came home and shared triple-chocolate cupcakes & chocolate gelato, for my birthday.
So, now I'm 42 years old, or 21 twice, or The Answer To Life, The Universe and Everything (Thanks Douglas Adams!), at least for the next year!
I stayed up and watched some of my favorite tv shows before I went to bed rather late in the night/early morning.
PS - I don't think even this app can defeat PMS! Cramps & moodiness prevailed today & on into the next day...
Sunday, March 13, 2016
Day 8
So far today has been as any other day, albeit I'm much more cheerful and not as depressed. Even if this is all this NZT app does for me, it would be worth it.
I've struggled with depression all of my adult life and many of my teen years and nothing has ever worked to help me feel "normal." I abhor pharmaceuticals, their horrible side effects & that entire corrupt industry, so this has not been an easy thing to deal with.
I've tried lots of isochronic & binaural tones over the years and this is the first I've actually felt a real, noticeable difference with... So, for me to actually feel cheerful and in a generally good mood as soon as I get up, that right there is huge & has made it worth it...
Also still waking up relatively early without much issue, even if I get very little sleep. That also is a nice change. I'm used to being so tired in the morning and having a hard time getting up.
If these two things are the only benefit I receive from this app, well, color me happy...
Didn't do much today. Had a day off & just felt like vegging out on the computer a bit, so I did.
I did get some bad news in the mail today which set me back a bit.. The Dept of Education will not be returning the 3K tax return money they took from me. The letter was rather rude and cold actually. Had me in a bit of a negative mood for awhile.
Later I got a call from my mom telling me good news about my grandfather's cancer being in remission and that cheered me up a bit.
In the evening, I had fun watching some Lucifer episodes & drink tweeting with others on twitter. It's nearly 2am now & I'm still a bit drunk and rather tired, so going to sleep soon...
Technically, I turned 42 at 1:13am today (now that it is March 13th), so I can now say for the next year I am officially The Answer To Life, The Universe And Everything. HGTTH, Douglas Adams reference.
Have a few fun, simple plans for tomorrow but mostly going to just take it easy...
I've struggled with depression all of my adult life and many of my teen years and nothing has ever worked to help me feel "normal." I abhor pharmaceuticals, their horrible side effects & that entire corrupt industry, so this has not been an easy thing to deal with.
I've tried lots of isochronic & binaural tones over the years and this is the first I've actually felt a real, noticeable difference with... So, for me to actually feel cheerful and in a generally good mood as soon as I get up, that right there is huge & has made it worth it...
Also still waking up relatively early without much issue, even if I get very little sleep. That also is a nice change. I'm used to being so tired in the morning and having a hard time getting up.
If these two things are the only benefit I receive from this app, well, color me happy...
Didn't do much today. Had a day off & just felt like vegging out on the computer a bit, so I did.
I did get some bad news in the mail today which set me back a bit.. The Dept of Education will not be returning the 3K tax return money they took from me. The letter was rather rude and cold actually. Had me in a bit of a negative mood for awhile.
Later I got a call from my mom telling me good news about my grandfather's cancer being in remission and that cheered me up a bit.
In the evening, I had fun watching some Lucifer episodes & drink tweeting with others on twitter. It's nearly 2am now & I'm still a bit drunk and rather tired, so going to sleep soon...
Technically, I turned 42 at 1:13am today (now that it is March 13th), so I can now say for the next year I am officially The Answer To Life, The Universe And Everything. HGTTH, Douglas Adams reference.
Have a few fun, simple plans for tomorrow but mostly going to just take it easy...
Saturday, March 12, 2016
Day 7
Way better than yesterday. Even though I only had a few hours sleep, I woke up early to an interesting dream about a favorite show, listened to the app & started my day. Work was work but it wasn't all that hard, even though I had to go in twice. Would really like to find a better way of making a living that suits my personality better but for now this is what I've got. Nothing else really to report so going to keep this entry short & sweet.
Friday, March 11, 2016
Day 6
Woke up at around 7am, put on the app & fell back asleep. Woke again around 8am and decided to listen to the app again. Got up finally at 8:30am.
But, instead of the new-found cheerfulness I'd been feeling, I felt lethargic and a little down. I felt more like my "old self" today than I have in almost a week.
Work felt like the same old grind again although I did manage to get things done rather fast, despite my grumpy mood.
I also managed to get my daughter's homeschooling paperwork signed & turned in, taking a few minutes off work to run to the school and do that.
But, I was glad when I got to go home for the day so I could finally relax and recoup.
I used the app again in the middle of the evening and it did seem to make me feel a bit better this time but I am still rather down-in-the-dumps. Stayed up really late tonight, watching a few shows I enjoy on Hulu and Netflix during Exede's Late Night Free Zone.
But now I need to go to bed. I'll let the app put me to sleep.
Hopefully I don't feel this crappy tomorrow... Starting to wonder if the last few days where just a fluke or placebo affect or something. Hoping that is not the case.
Either way, I will see the next week through and maybe even go longer, if I notice any other improvements. For now, I almost want to write this day off...
But, instead of the new-found cheerfulness I'd been feeling, I felt lethargic and a little down. I felt more like my "old self" today than I have in almost a week.
Work felt like the same old grind again although I did manage to get things done rather fast, despite my grumpy mood.
I also managed to get my daughter's homeschooling paperwork signed & turned in, taking a few minutes off work to run to the school and do that.
But, I was glad when I got to go home for the day so I could finally relax and recoup.
I used the app again in the middle of the evening and it did seem to make me feel a bit better this time but I am still rather down-in-the-dumps. Stayed up really late tonight, watching a few shows I enjoy on Hulu and Netflix during Exede's Late Night Free Zone.
But now I need to go to bed. I'll let the app put me to sleep.
Hopefully I don't feel this crappy tomorrow... Starting to wonder if the last few days where just a fluke or placebo affect or something. Hoping that is not the case.
Either way, I will see the next week through and maybe even go longer, if I notice any other improvements. For now, I almost want to write this day off...
Wednesday, March 9, 2016
Day 5
Yet again, I woke up earlier than my alarms, even though I set them about an hour earlier than I'm used to. Still getting used to this phenomena but I like it. I've been so used to having to set several alarms and sleeping through the first few that this experience is quite unique for me but I'm hoping it continues.
And I continue to use the app right before bed and right after waking for 30 minutes each. Occasionally over the last few days, I've also used the 15 minute session for an extra little boost. I've noticed, when I do this, I feel more alert and awake afterword.
I also continue to wake up and stay primarily in a good, and sometimes great, mood. Cheerful has actually become a new way of being. It's been a welcome change to have a smile on my face all day. It's been great laughing so often!
Anyway, this morning I woke a bit after 6am and went right into my session. I then got up, had a little breakfast, feed the cats and got ready for work. I even had a little time to watch some of GMA and to go on twitter.
I got to work around 8am and opened Subway at 9am. By 10:10, I had everything done - bread made, fresh cookies made, all the back up for the day shift ready, including soup and meatballs. And the day just kept going smoothly. By 2pm, I left work and went home.
And by 2:30pm, I was headed to Rapid City with my daughter. We needed to get her birth certificate, so we could officially sign her up for homeschooling. After that was done, I decided we both needed to have a little fun since we'd gone all this way, so after a little driving around we decided to go to BAM (Books A Million). We had a lot of fun browsing the store and we both found things we wanted costing about $20 each, which is what I had budgeted this trip for. After that, it was about dinner time. We went to an Indian restaurant called Kathmandu Bistro, rather than opting for the usual fast food choice. It was so delicious, I can hardly describe how good it was. It has been close to a year since I had Indian food and I didn't realize how much I missed it until I was eating that amazing food. And bonus, I have a lot more of it in the fridge, so we are going to be eating well for the next few days!
Now it's 10pm and I'm starting to get a bit tired. Might go to bed early. It's been a long day. I have two more full days at Subway (with an hour break) and then I have the weekend off! So glad for that, since Sunday is my Birthday and I'll be the answer to life, the univsere and everything! Yes, I'll be turning 42 on March 13th!
PS - Instead of going to bed, I decided to try out the NZT app. By just after 10:45pm, I finished listening and somewhere in the middle, I had started to feel more awake & in a much better mood. It's Midnight now (and I'm playing with our black cat Midnight) and I'm finally ready to go to bed. Nice to know I can use the app to refresh myself when I'm not quite ready for sleep.
Well, that's all for now... Tomorrow's another day...
And I continue to use the app right before bed and right after waking for 30 minutes each. Occasionally over the last few days, I've also used the 15 minute session for an extra little boost. I've noticed, when I do this, I feel more alert and awake afterword.
I also continue to wake up and stay primarily in a good, and sometimes great, mood. Cheerful has actually become a new way of being. It's been a welcome change to have a smile on my face all day. It's been great laughing so often!
Anyway, this morning I woke a bit after 6am and went right into my session. I then got up, had a little breakfast, feed the cats and got ready for work. I even had a little time to watch some of GMA and to go on twitter.
I got to work around 8am and opened Subway at 9am. By 10:10, I had everything done - bread made, fresh cookies made, all the back up for the day shift ready, including soup and meatballs. And the day just kept going smoothly. By 2pm, I left work and went home.
And by 2:30pm, I was headed to Rapid City with my daughter. We needed to get her birth certificate, so we could officially sign her up for homeschooling. After that was done, I decided we both needed to have a little fun since we'd gone all this way, so after a little driving around we decided to go to BAM (Books A Million). We had a lot of fun browsing the store and we both found things we wanted costing about $20 each, which is what I had budgeted this trip for. After that, it was about dinner time. We went to an Indian restaurant called Kathmandu Bistro, rather than opting for the usual fast food choice. It was so delicious, I can hardly describe how good it was. It has been close to a year since I had Indian food and I didn't realize how much I missed it until I was eating that amazing food. And bonus, I have a lot more of it in the fridge, so we are going to be eating well for the next few days!
Now it's 10pm and I'm starting to get a bit tired. Might go to bed early. It's been a long day. I have two more full days at Subway (with an hour break) and then I have the weekend off! So glad for that, since Sunday is my Birthday and I'll be the answer to life, the univsere and everything! Yes, I'll be turning 42 on March 13th!
PS - Instead of going to bed, I decided to try out the NZT app. By just after 10:45pm, I finished listening and somewhere in the middle, I had started to feel more awake & in a much better mood. It's Midnight now (and I'm playing with our black cat Midnight) and I'm finally ready to go to bed. Nice to know I can use the app to refresh myself when I'm not quite ready for sleep.
Well, that's all for now... Tomorrow's another day...
Tuesday, March 8, 2016
Days 3 & 4
Not much to report. I have been waking up early which is atypical for me. And I have been in an unusually good mood both days. So there is that. I had a pretty detailed dream about the cast of a show I watch that seemed rather realistic and also symbolic. Also work has been rather easy for me, which lately had become something of a drag. Last couple days have been something of a breeze. We will see how tomorrow goes. I have to open our Subway for the first time so hopefully that goes well. I've closed many a time so this shouldn't be much different. Also, I have noticed myself being able to remember random things without having to try, like scenes from books & movies. That has been kind of fun. Lately, over the last several years, I've noticed having a hard time remembering things so if this helps with my memory, that's a bonus for me.
Sunday, March 6, 2016
Day 2
Well, almost 10pm & I'm getting sleepy. Woke up at around 7:30am without an alarm, on a Sunday. I was awake, so I took care of the cats & bathroom needs & laid back down to listen to the NZT app. At 8am, I got up & started my day.
I knew already it was going to be a warm day & it was already starting to look beautiful outside. After a couple of hours online, mostly on twitter, I went outside to enjoy the warm morning sunshine. After my daughter got up, we got ready & went to Rapid City, with the convertible top down (I have a Sebring). I drove to town with a big smile on my face the entire way. I don't know if it was the warm weather or the app (or both) but I was in a really good mood all day.
We enjoyed Taco Bell for lunch at a park, cruised in the warm sunshine (got up to 73F) & had fun at the local mall. After a stop at Starbucks, we went home, driving into the sunset.
Dinner has been had & both my daughter & I are sleepy. I usually go to bed between Midnight & 2am but I might be going to bed early tonight...
Have two 4 hour shifts tomorrow, so I'm very curious how working at Subway while using this app will turn out. Till then...
Saturday, March 5, 2016
Day 1
Trying out the NZT app. Not sure if this will work or not. Going to stop taking anything else (nootropics like OptiMind) besides vitamins, to make sure there is no interference. Anyway, don't have very high expectations because I've been depressed and kind of messed up for so long. If this works, that's great. If not, no big loss, same old, same old...
Already tried a few sessions and I don't feel any different, including more than just morning & night sessions. Not sure if it has made any difference yet, but knowing my brain, I probably need more than two sessions per day.
Starting today, I am going to use the NZT app as suggested, one session upon waking & once more before bed. We will see if this makes a difference. Rather excited about tomorrow morning, to see if I feel any different. Also, going to have my daughter use the app too (she could really use it!) and see if it helps her. She has just become a teenager, along with the emotional hormonal rollercoaster that comes with that, and I am hoping this evens out her emotional explosions.
Going to try to post updates for my own record as well as for anyone else curious about trying this app out.
Got the idea for creating this blog from another person who put up a blog: http://clearpill.blogspot.com/
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